I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
