He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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