he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
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I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
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This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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