If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
