I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
