the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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