I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
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Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
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Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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