I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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