we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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