nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
