Got a toothbrush?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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