Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
