my phone needs a breathalizer
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
