no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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