I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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