3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
