Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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