i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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