i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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