My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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