the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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