In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
