I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you didnt know i had herpes?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm at about main and main street
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
