I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
