im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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