Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
ttyl tear gas
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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