She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
