I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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