Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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