I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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