how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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