She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
