Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
