bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
