We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Randomize
