Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The best revenge is premature balding
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
