Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
