omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
there is glitter all over my balls
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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