idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
