When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize