I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
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