MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
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just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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