Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
