Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize