I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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