I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
