I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
