Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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