Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I understand Curling. That high.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
