her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
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Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
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I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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