I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
