She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
