Having a random hookup so left but love u
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
