Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
