The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
