wanna go halves on a baby?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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