Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize