i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
