but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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