Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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