You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
