i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
