You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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