Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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