She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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