you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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