i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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