all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just forgot I was standing up.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
