Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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