Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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