i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
