Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
