I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
