My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
