when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
someone owes me an orgasm
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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