I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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