One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
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She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
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His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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