We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
