if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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