Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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